Are You Dating A Narcissist?
Are You Dating a Narcissist?
The world of dating can be pretty tricky, as we’ve all heard horror stories of our friend who got into a relationship with a cray cray or narcissist. If you’re in the dating game, or you’re in a relationship and you’re wondering how you can tell if you’re with a narcissist, here’s an article that will help you out.
First of all, a narcissist most likely doesn’t even know he or she is a narcissist. And even if he suspects it, chances are he doesn’t care and doesn’t want help. So, if perhaps you have gotten entangled in the narcissist’s web, it’s best if you’re prepared before you try to contend with this. Confronting someone about their narcissism usually does not go very well.
The following are some signs that you are indeed dating someone who could be classified as a narcissist.
1. They’re never wrong
A narcissist has a really tough time offering an apology, mainly because he doesn’t think he’s ever wrong.
2. They’re full of themselves
A narcissist loves attention and needs his ego stroked much of the time. Some say they’re like emotional vampires, because they don’t have the self-love deep down that they need in order to feel good about themselves. It might seem like they love themselves, because they’re quite selfish and egotistical, but really, they need their ego stroked in order to feel good about themselves.
3. You’re always wrong
As we said before, a narcissist would rarely admit that he is wrong, so they’re really good at making others wrong. They’ve got a fragile psyche, because they have never dealt with their childhood wounds. So, they have this inflated ego and that makes it really tough for them to hear you when you go to him with an issue. Most of the time he’ll take whatever it is you’re saying and somehow turn it around to make you the one who’s wrong.
4. They are manipulating masters
You probably won’t pick up on this for a while, but a narcissist is a master manipulator. They need to control, and it’s a very root of that need to control is this petrifying fear of being abandoned. They’ll manipulate conversations and situations to make you feel like you’re wrong, because if you feel like you’re wrong, you’re less likely to leave him.
5. They’re vain
We’ve already mentioned how egotistical narcissist are. They’re vain, they’re full of themselves, they think they’re God’s gift to the Earth. They believe that others put them on pedestals and they put themselves there too. Sometimes it can come across as simply being confident, but the real test comes out when they’re not getting the praise or attention that they think they deserve. Then, they can become angry and begin a whole host of behaviors that are less than appealing.
6. They emotionally or verbally abuse
It’s not unlikely for a narcissist to emotionally or verbally abuse their partners. That could be belittling you when you’re out with friends, sending you ugly texts when he doesn’t get his way, giving you the silent treatment because you didn’t do or say what he thought you should, playing mind games with you, and so on. And just so you know, none of this is ever okay.
7. You never feel heard
Chances are you want to emotionally connect with your partner, but a narcissist is unable to emotionally connect with you. You may go to him for emotional support or just to connect at a deeper level, and you’ll be met with aloofness and perhaps coldness. His waters will never run deep, and chances are he will never really listen to you. He’ll tell you that you talk too much, or he’ll tell you to go to your girlfriends to discuss your issues. He has very little tolerance for trying to be a support to you as you navigate life.
8. They’re intolerant
The narcissist will not want to put up with any drama from you. If he wants to create some drama, fine. But let’s say you have an awful day at work, or someone treats you poorly. You go to him for support, and he just doesn’t want to hear it. He might tell you you’re acting like a baby and just grow up and get over it. He lacks empathy and will be challenged when it comes to giving you any emotional support. However, he’s sly and he wants something, he can conjure up some other thing in order to get what he wants. He also won’t want to discuss relationship issues with you. It’s tough for him to think that he’s done anything wrong or that he has room for improvement, so he may make you think you’re crazy if you go to him wanting to discuss your relationship issues.
9. You can’t nail down conflict resolution
This brings me to conflict resolution. Essentially, there is none in your relationship. Let’s say you go to your partner trying to set a boundary, because you’re tired of being belittled in public. So, you go to him and tell him that you don’t appreciate this type of behavior, and you’re drawing a line in the sand and say no more. You let him know that continued belittling is a deal-breaker for you. He doesn’t take it so well, and thus starts an emotional roller coaster ride, where at the very end of the conversation, you find yourself apologizing to him for even bringing it up. You feel awful for feeling the way you do, and for bringing waves into your relationship ocean. So you walk away, tail between your legs, feeling defeated and feeling disappointed in yourself because deep in your heart you know that you’re right, but he makes you feel wrong.
This is not an exclusive list of narcissistic characteristics, but I think that you’re getting the idea. Do you see some of these traits in the guy you’re dating? Are you in a relationship with someone like this? If so, know that you’re not alone, and it will be necessary for you to begin a journey to learn more about toxic vs. healthy relationships.
It will serve you well to continue learning about narcissistic behavior, but also codependent behavior. You can begin a journey toward working on your own self, and becoming stronger in and of yourself. You can begin a journey toward becoming closer with your Creator, and if you need to walk away from this narcissist, you’ll grow strong enough in order to do so.
If you need help, please reach out.
I just spent two weeks solo at home, as my partner was traveling abroad. It was a great time of contemplation and solitude for me. Of course, if you know me, you know I love spending time with myself. I’m truly and introvert and have come to fully accept this.
But having more time alone opened my eyes to a few insights that have been meaningful for me. One goal I had while Shala was traveling was to take time to just “be”. Not getting all tied up with a new project or chasing a rabbit hole.
Just being in the quiet.
Resting in the aloneness, going within.
I think the biggest revelation I got through this time was how blessed I truly am in the way I’ve created my life. This is a big deal because my life hasn’t always been so rich – at least emotionally.
Be More, Do More
It’s very interesting because we live in a society that puts a lot of weight on “being more” and “doing more”. And, not just doing anything, but “working”.
I am a freelance writer – primarily a ghost writer, and my livelihood comes from sitting at the computer and typing. But about a year ago, I was getting tired of sitting at the computer for so many hours per day. I mean, quite honestly, my butt hurt – as well as my hands and legs. Sure, I exercise regularly and I take breaks a lot, but still, sitting still for long periods of time can take a toll on the body.
So, I started envisioning a different kind of life. A life where I am less on the computer and more up and about – but not necessarily doing more “work”. (Especially work I wouldn’t enjoy)
Well, over these two weeks, I took inventory of my life, work time and free time. I noticed that I am on the computer half as much as I used to be, and actually earn more money than when I sat there all day. Now, this goes right along with understanding that I’m worthy to make a certain amount of money per hour. I factor this number into all my gigs.
Whereas I used to think I could only make a certain amount of money, I now envision and dream much bigger on that end. I know my skills are VALUABLE, and so do my clients who choose to pay me well.
And not that it’s all about money, because for me, it’s not. Money plays a role, because I enjoy having financial freedom and let’s just say, I’m not afraid to admit I like rolling in the dough, because hey, I went most of my life in a crappy financial situation. (Debt, lack, poverty mentality, poor financial decisions, etc.)
Not anymore, baby!
Still, I am not always “trying to make more” by sacrificing free time. I see plenty of people who are workaholics. Their security and worth are highly attached to the amount of money they make and punch the clock a lot attempting to feel better. You know what I mean?
I used to think that if I had free time or if I hadn’t worked 8 or 10 hours, then I need to be scraping for more. I need to go make art and sell it or market better, or be looking for more work. I felt like I wasn’t valuable or doing enough if I wasn’t slaving away at “something”.
On a side note, a couple years ago I walked into J.C. Penny’s to interview for a job making 8 bucks and hour. I was doing decent in my writing career, but of course, thought I needed more. I sat there with a group of people waiting, and anxiety arose. The thought of trading an hour of my time for $8 wasn’t resonating.
I walked out. And, since then, let’s just say I am only willing to trade a certain amount of money per hour of my valuable time. Now, that’s not to say others shouldn’t work for that wage. Do what you have to do! Be responsible, and for some, that means starting right there at that wage.
But ya’ll, listen. I want freedom in every area of my life. I want free time, and some of that free time I want to be doing things that matter to me. And, maybe some of those things will make a difference in other people’s lives too.
So, I synced up with my desires. I envisioned what I wanted, and well, I ran that by my creator too. I mean, I do want to be led by Divine Intelligence.
And, as I consciously observe, especially in the last two weeks enjoying a solitude retreat, I realize I have created a fantastic life. I mean, really. I’m sitting here at 9am on a Wednesday having a cup of coffee sharing my thoughts with the world. I’ve created a “work schedule” that I love doing work that MAKES a difference in people’s lives.
And, I actually make more money than I ever have doing what I enjoy.
I also take time to exercise, dance around the kitchen, tend to the flower gardens, meditate, pray, talk to my family, and engage in meaningful activities.
There’s something to be said about desire and emotions.
My desire for freedom and joy prompted me to reach for things that helped me feel freedom and joy. Taking a bike ride. Singing. Dancing. Hiking. Picking blackberries. Having good conversation. Listening to inspirational things. And so on.
Feeling as if I were free, manifested freedom. Do you get that?
Feeling as if I were joyful (and doing things that caused joy to arise within), consistently manifests joy!
Ahhh, the law of attraction does tend to work friends. You just keep at it and keep at it, asking, believing, and then, receiving.
I’m grateful for the life I’ve created. Is it perfect? Nah, but that’s alright. I’m after progress; not perfection. And life’s full of ebb and flow, so that’s something I embrace. I still have my days of sadness or angst, but far less than I used to!
I’m grateful for my family, my partner, my dreams, my home, my community, my ambition, my connection with a higher power.
And, I’m grateful for you.
Keep dreaming up and manifesting a good life. If you need help, reach out. There’s an abundance of supports available. Your task is to find what works for you.