Are You Dating A Narcissist?
Are You Dating a Narcissist?
The world of dating can be pretty tricky, as we’ve all heard horror stories of our friend who got into a relationship with a cray cray or narcissist. If you’re in the dating game, or you’re in a relationship and you’re wondering how you can tell if you’re with a narcissist, here’s an article that will help you out.
First of all, a narcissist most likely doesn’t even know he or she is a narcissist. And even if he suspects it, chances are he doesn’t care and doesn’t want help. So, if perhaps you have gotten entangled in the narcissist’s web, it’s best if you’re prepared before you try to contend with this. Confronting someone about their narcissism usually does not go very well.
The following are some signs that you are indeed dating someone who could be classified as a narcissist.
1. They’re never wrong
A narcissist has a really tough time offering an apology, mainly because he doesn’t think he’s ever wrong.
2. They’re full of themselves
A narcissist loves attention and needs his ego stroked much of the time. Some say they’re like emotional vampires, because they don’t have the self-love deep down that they need in order to feel good about themselves. It might seem like they love themselves, because they’re quite selfish and egotistical, but really, they need their ego stroked in order to feel good about themselves.
3. You’re always wrong
As we said before, a narcissist would rarely admit that he is wrong, so they’re really good at making others wrong. They’ve got a fragile psyche, because they have never dealt with their childhood wounds. So, they have this inflated ego and that makes it really tough for them to hear you when you go to him with an issue. Most of the time he’ll take whatever it is you’re saying and somehow turn it around to make you the one who’s wrong.
4. They are manipulating masters
You probably won’t pick up on this for a while, but a narcissist is a master manipulator. They need to control, and it’s a very root of that need to control is this petrifying fear of being abandoned. They’ll manipulate conversations and situations to make you feel like you’re wrong, because if you feel like you’re wrong, you’re less likely to leave him.
5. They’re vain
We’ve already mentioned how egotistical narcissist are. They’re vain, they’re full of themselves, they think they’re God’s gift to the Earth. They believe that others put them on pedestals and they put themselves there too. Sometimes it can come across as simply being confident, but the real test comes out when they’re not getting the praise or attention that they think they deserve. Then, they can become angry and begin a whole host of behaviors that are less than appealing.
6. They emotionally or verbally abuse
It’s not unlikely for a narcissist to emotionally or verbally abuse their partners. That could be belittling you when you’re out with friends, sending you ugly texts when he doesn’t get his way, giving you the silent treatment because you didn’t do or say what he thought you should, playing mind games with you, and so on. And just so you know, none of this is ever okay.
7. You never feel heard
Chances are you want to emotionally connect with your partner, but a narcissist is unable to emotionally connect with you. You may go to him for emotional support or just to connect at a deeper level, and you’ll be met with aloofness and perhaps coldness. His waters will never run deep, and chances are he will never really listen to you. He’ll tell you that you talk too much, or he’ll tell you to go to your girlfriends to discuss your issues. He has very little tolerance for trying to be a support to you as you navigate life.
8. They’re intolerant
The narcissist will not want to put up with any drama from you. If he wants to create some drama, fine. But let’s say you have an awful day at work, or someone treats you poorly. You go to him for support, and he just doesn’t want to hear it. He might tell you you’re acting like a baby and just grow up and get over it. He lacks empathy and will be challenged when it comes to giving you any emotional support. However, he’s sly and he wants something, he can conjure up some other thing in order to get what he wants. He also won’t want to discuss relationship issues with you. It’s tough for him to think that he’s done anything wrong or that he has room for improvement, so he may make you think you’re crazy if you go to him wanting to discuss your relationship issues.
9. You can’t nail down conflict resolution
This brings me to conflict resolution. Essentially, there is none in your relationship. Let’s say you go to your partner trying to set a boundary, because you’re tired of being belittled in public. So, you go to him and tell him that you don’t appreciate this type of behavior, and you’re drawing a line in the sand and say no more. You let him know that continued belittling is a deal-breaker for you. He doesn’t take it so well, and thus starts an emotional roller coaster ride, where at the very end of the conversation, you find yourself apologizing to him for even bringing it up. You feel awful for feeling the way you do, and for bringing waves into your relationship ocean. So you walk away, tail between your legs, feeling defeated and feeling disappointed in yourself because deep in your heart you know that you’re right, but he makes you feel wrong.
This is not an exclusive list of narcissistic characteristics, but I think that you’re getting the idea. Do you see some of these traits in the guy you’re dating? Are you in a relationship with someone like this? If so, know that you’re not alone, and it will be necessary for you to begin a journey to learn more about toxic vs. healthy relationships.
It will serve you well to continue learning about narcissistic behavior, but also codependent behavior. You can begin a journey toward working on your own self, and becoming stronger in and of yourself. You can begin a journey toward becoming closer with your Creator, and if you need to walk away from this narcissist, you’ll grow strong enough in order to do so.
If you need help, please reach out.
Remember the days of PMS? When you felt as if you were crawling out of your skin? Progesterone and estrogen levels erratically surging, making you feel as if you either want to either hide away in your room and sob uncontrollably, or pack a bag and head off on a trip to an island by your lonesome.
Yes, the clenched jaws, impatience, bloating, and genuine feelings of being cray-cray.
To think those days disappear once you hit menopause.
See, that’s what I used to think when I was in the perimenopausal season. I thought it was like a roller coaster ride. You ride up, up, up through perimenopause and then you actually hit the top, enduring menopause for a short bit, and then you’re home free. Ah, the rush of no periods and no hormonal surges!
Um, not the case.
A couple of years ago, I went to my doctor for blood work and she excitedly told me I was almost done with menopause. Yay! Since I had been dealing with hot flashes, this was wonderful news.
Fast forward till today and I’m still dealing with hot flashes, mood changes, and anxiety. I understand this can go on for years, but the past couple of weeks… eeks!
I know there are things I can do to try to help with menopausal symptoms. I do supplement my diet well. I do eat pretty healthy. I do exercise. I do meditate or get into nature.
But I’m not willing to get on hormones, so my reality is to wait it out. I do believe I’ll get through this. I have faith, and faith is something.
Granted, the last few days, while Hurricane Barry was rolling through the area, I pretty much sat idle in the house, reading and napping. I picked up a great book at the library called, “Menopause and the Vindication of Natural Life” by Darcey Steinke.
It’s really helped me feel less alone. I especially like how she shares how other women feel at the onset of a hot flash.
Before I share, let me say if you have never experienced a hot flash, you just can’t understand. You can try, but it’s tough to really convey what’s going on in the body.
I used to not mind hot flashes so much, but honestly, I’m over them. They make me feel bonafide crazy these days, at least for a few moments. I think the worst for me is the few seconds right before they occur…this feeling that everything is wrong. This overwhelming feeling that sometimes makes me think, “This is it. I’m going to die.”
I used to think it was just me, but it’s not. Listen to what Steinke shares in her book about women experiencing hot flashes:
“I feel like I’m going down in an elevator, my stomach drops, flash of nausea, a weird weak feeling, then the heat.”
“Mine starts with fear. It’s a quick burst of heat and nerve endings igniting in fear.”
For me, there’s something that happens in my brain. Like, a glitch. I’ll stop whatever I’m doing and feel this sense of doom. Unease. Like something’s not quite right. Then, a twinge of fear, as this eery sensation travels through my body. Then, the heat, which causes me to start shedding clothes and find a fan for a bit of relief. No doubt I’ve hit the freezer just as many other women have.
Now after a week or so of feeling “not quite right”, I’ve upped my time in meditation and prayer. And solitude, because something’s gotta give. The weather man’s voice is annoying, the ticking of the clock is driving me crazy, the way my mind is racing makes me want to reach for something that will slow….it….down.
Yesterday, as I was in prayer and meditation, I was like, “Come on, God. Give me something to work with here. This is beyond my control. I’m doing what I know to do. Come on. A little help?”
And isn’t that what we oftentimes do? We try to get through things or get by relying on what’s always worked for us. The tools we’ve learned over the years. Our favorite medicine. That thing that always makes us feel better.
But what about when those things aren’t working? Meditation seems boring. Don’t have it in ya to utter a prayer. The vitamins and supplements aren’t doing the trick.
Speaking for myself, I do my best to ride it out in a way that doesn’t hurt me or others. I know relief will come. I know my faith will produce results, maybe not in my timing, but in due time.
Until then, I keep doing what I know to do. I pray. I meditate. I get into nature. I reach out for support. I read. I listen to encouraging people. I breathe deeply and slowly.
My faith keeps me going; it’s always kept me going. I trust that this too shall pass and I trust that I’ll be shown what needs to be shown in perfect timing. Faith is not passive; it’s active. I’m actively sowing positive things into my life, even when I’m feeling down and out. Even when the hormones are all out of whack.
Even when menopause just keeps on and on….
So, essentially, in this post, I’m putting it out there that this chic has been struggling emotionally for a couple of weeks now.
Due to hormones? Menopause?
Also due to this midlife transition. Heading into the Golden Years is much different than heading into your twenties or thirties. Guaranteed.
But I’m not one to sit idly by and throw a pity party. I’m one to rise, and rise again. I’m one to be open to learning lessons and passing them on.
And, I’m one to believe that we have the opportunity to learn valuable lessons in the fire. In the tough stuff. In the confusion and pain.
I’m interested in hearing from other women in perimenopause or menopause. What are your thoughts? Experiences? Struggles?
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