Most people talk about wanting things. Things in their lives. Physical things they want. But you know what? Most people live an entire lifetime without getting the things that matter the most to them. They want change, and well, the honest truth is that change is hard.
Over 90% of people who set goals such as weight loss or stopping smoking do not reach their goals. Most New Year’s resolutions are not carried through one month. Many people who find themselves in bad relationship after bad relationship never take the time to dig deep and commit to the tough stuff in between relationships; like healing.
Just what is it that keeps us from changing? How can we want something “so bad”, yet year after year we don’t attain it?
Well, there are many reasons. Change IS hard, but it’s not impossible.
Today, I want to share 3 things with you concerning change and how you can plow past any mountains that have been holding you back.
- People have a tough time committing to the doing the work. The tough stuff.
I’m sure you know plenty of people who don’t like to work. Heck, I’ve been there, but when you really get it into your spirit that CHANGE REQUIRES WORK…..your life will begin to change.
I love the law of attraction, but it’s not always just “believe and you’ll receive”. Yes, I believe in the power of the universal truth and positive affirmations, but belief without some sort of action will more than likely leave you short of accomplishing your goals.
So, what separates those that make lasting transformational changes over those that don’t? The one who successfully gets over their fear of rejection over the one who lives as a recluse year after year out of fear? The angry S.O.B over the one who has taken anger and transformed it into compassion?
Do the freakin’ work
Various things separate them, but a solid commitment to “doing the work” is a big reason why some lack when it comes to change.
MANTRA OPPORTUNITY: I make a solid commitment to do the work, no matter how hard it looks or how long it takes!
- Learn about human behavior
We’re humans, and we spend many years as humans, but so many do not take the time to learn human behavior. They walk around half-conscious, programmed by what they learned as children or imprisoned by early childhood wounds.
What drives us as human beings?
Two primary things motivate people big time:
- Avoiding pain
- Feeling pleasure
We want to feel good, right? We desire peace and joy and we do our best to avoid pain. I mean, isn’t that why we so pretty much all of the things we do?
This has been my observation. We are bumping along in life and we start to feel pain. It doesn’t feel good. Yuck. So we say, “Hey, I don’t want to feel this pain anymore so I’m gonna do this, this, and that.” But what happens to MANY humans (human behavior), is that at some point they STOP. They stop eating right and working out (the pain of extra weight). They stop going to therapy (emotional pain). They stop personal growth investment (the pain of not feeling good enough)
They lose motivation. They lose drive, get frustrated, and eventually give up. It became challenging. Time constraints all around. They don’t experience LASTING CHANGE.
Who hasn’t been there, right?
- Turn your “shoulds” into “musts”
Listen, change is about motivation. It’s about turning those shoulds into musts. (Thank you Tony Robbins for this tip) If you maybe, kinda, sort-of need to change, you just won’t.
But if you HAVE TO, MUST OR I’LL DIE, you will. You’re then fully committed and come hell or high water, you’re changing dammit.
Now, as we go about this life journey trying to side step pain and make lasting changes, we must also couple that with the pleasure principle. We want to feel HAPPY. See, pain motivates us, but it’s kind of a temporary motivation.
We need something more to create LASTING change. Something like happiness. Pleasure.
You’ve been doing this since you were wee little. When you were little, you picked up some strategies for life. They weren’t always the best. So, in order to create lasting change, it’s important to cultivate a new set of patterns to get the hell out of pain and feel some pleasure. Some peace. Some bliss.
What pain are you feeling? Well, target that and use it as a motivator for change. But don’t just stop there. Cultivate a connection between pleasure to the new set of strategies so that the change can be lasting.
Some call this leverage, or using what motivates someone to help them commit to making lasting change.
For example, if you’re sick and tired of being broke, you feel that pain. So, use that pain as a motivator for change and get yourself a new set of strategies so you CAN make the changes necessary to experience a different outcome. So you can have LASTING changes. There are SO many free resources out there! Use them!
You don’t have to be brilliant to change, but you do have to be motivated.
So, if you really want to change or if you want to help someone else change, you’ve got to help them understand that the pain that they are feeling…that shitty feeling…is due to the fact that they are not doing the work they need to be doing in order to feel some sort of pleasure or joy.
What is your motive for change? When it comes to your pain, ask yourself?
What am I getting from this pain? What is it costing me? Is it hurting those that I love? How has this hurt me in the past?
Then, see how your pain (or actions) are not in consistency with what you want. For example, if you’re drinking too much, ask yourself how this affects your family. Ask yourself if an exceptional leader would get up with hangovers and head into work to lead people? Associate your behavior or pain with contrast.
Now, what would bring you pleasure? If you made some changes, would you feel happier? Will it help your loved ones? Will your life be richer?
Listen, change is hard and change takes time, but if you will commit to doing the work (the tough stuff), and be persistent (grit), you will make progress. If you need help, ask.
Finally, remember that we’re after progress; not perfection. As a human, we tend to like progress. Growth. But don’t expect perfection or you’ll set yourself up for more pain.
Hey. We’re in this together. Life, I mean. Let’s help each other out along the way. Now go create a life that you love (at least most of the time).
Sending you so much love.