depression

I had a day from hell yesterday. Felt like crap emotionally and just didn’t have it in me to pull myself out. Nope. No listening to motivation mojo. No getting out into nature to restore. No inner pep talk. Told my partner that I was just having “an off day” and would appreciate just being able to “be in it”. No problem on that end. She understands.

There will be such days, even for the most positive peeps out there.

And it’s ok.

It’s not like I take a crappy day and the emotions associated with it and beat myself up beyond repair. Nah. I might feel like I’ve been in a fist fight, but ultimately I get it that having such a day does not define me. Many religions teach that every soul is good at the core, even on crappy days. I totally believe this. Yes, even the biggest a-hole or miserable person has goodness at his/her center.  It’s just that over the years we tend to pile up layers of “crap” on top that awesomeness.

Grab a shovel

So, when the crappy days come, it’s a reminder that we have some digging to do folks, but it’s also ok to just sit in the rubbish momentarily too. I needed my day of rubbish. My day of heaviness. My day of pajama wearing, plopped on the couch, binge watching Netflix episodes of Friends. Maybe you think that’s not very “spiritual” or something to be proud of, but hey, odds are you have the same kind of crappy days here and there.

So what do you do on the days you struggle with things like low self-worth, loneliness, bitchiness, exhaustion, fear, and so on? The days you want to give up. Run away. Numb out. What do we do?

First of all, remember self-love right there. Right among the dung. Take a deep breath and say, “I love you”. Seriously, say it out loud. Remember that underneath the layers, the darkness, sadness, etc., you’re pretty epic. Beautiful. Worthy. Good.

I know you won’t feel it deep in your bones right then, but saying it is necessary. Get the vibration out there. If you believe in prayer, offer up an offering of love. Ask god, goddess to whisper in your ear. Affirm your goodness. Show you what Creator sees. Open your spiritual eyes.

And you’ll be alright. In fact, in the grand scheme of things, you’ll be better than alright.

Is there something deeper going on?

I woke up this morning feeling just fine; my normal self. Optimistic and happy once again. My day of crap in the past, until the next time one drops in.

Still, I sat for a few minutes today to take inventory of my crap. An assessment. Is there something I’m holding onto that I ought to let go? Am I out of alignment? Wearing blinders?

Yes, I got it. I put too much pressure on myself last week. Took on too much and it bit me in the ass. I got off the narrow path and hopped onto the one society slyly leads us to. So, lesson learned…again. (this isn’t the first time this has happened.)

So on our crappy day, let’s feel free to sit with ourselves momentarily. Feel it. Roll around in it, but let’s not stay there.  At some point, maybe when our back aches from lying on the couch too long or we feel like a lard because we’ve eaten all the junk food in the house (What? You’ve never done this on a crappy day?), find a quiet spot and just sit and revel in our magical, radiant awe-someness- even if we can’t feel it at the moment.

Breathe deeply.

Light the candle, burn the sage, or whatever it is we do to get into the “I’m a beautiful spirit” mode.

And listen. Listen to the real us. The deep us. The raw us that wants us to shed a layer or two more of the crap. Ask some good questions: What do I hear? Have I been too busy? Have I been lacking quiet time? Am I striving for some sort of carnal pleasure feeling that is fleeting? Running? Numbing?

My body craves wild love flow

Let’s be honest. Embrace gut-level honesty. Throw our hands up in surrender and relax into our core self. Anchor down with Love and feel that Love run wildly through our body.

This is part of the journey. This is part of awakening. Consciousness.

Today, I am embracing myself right where I am. Who I am: an expression of Love, expanding, full of grace and truth. Perfectly? Nah, but I’m not after perfection darling. I’m after progress.

My soul is continually navigating toward truth. The crappy days are nothing but a downward slope on the road of enlightenment. An opportunity to see a different landscape and let go of things that bog me down. I journey down, check out the surroundings, see what baggage I can heave, and then journey up and onward.

This journey. It’s a whole gamut of experience and emotions, huh?

 

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